You know... New York Style!

Ryanair – it seemed so good five years ago. Cheap flights, generally on time, basic but efficient service, not too painful in the cabin.

How things have changed.

Here are some of my favourite current things about Ryanair:

· Bright yellow interiors.

· Mostly plastic non-reclining seats.

· Mesh seatback pockets (on their older planes)

· No seatback pockets (on their newer planes)

· Emergency instructions glued to headrest in front of you

· Aggressive shrieking about scratch cards through the Cabin PA

· Advertising on overhead panels covering oxygen masks

· “This is a dual use Sick Bag” – for photo development too!

· Airport in wrong location (“Glasgow” Prestwick, “Brussels” Charleroi)

· Extra charge to check in a bag.

· Derisory customer service.

Quite an attractive list. Still, paying extra to carry luggage only to arrive 40 miles from the city I am flying to may not be the biggest problem.

Recent TV programs have alleged that Ryanair pilots are routinely exhausted, and that they are paid a bonus for being on-time on their stand following landing, and a further bonus for being several minutes early. If that is true, then there is a clear financial incentive for pilots to be on time.

You know those TV “Crash Investigation” programs, when you see some company policy or behaviour, that would obviously lead to a culture of corner cutting?

Are there any dots to be joined here?

Setting aside the possibility of a life-ending crash (which will presumably occur whilst I search for my “dual use” sick bag, in my nonexistent seat-back pocket) - the final straw for me was flying from Liverpool to Dublin recently. You should always be wary when a menu starts getting a bit too informal with you. Surveying the options, my eyes met with an item whose description was deeply suspicious:

Oh, I know, do I?

Not only do I not “know”, I am very nearly certain that whatever abomination of a hotdog Ryanair chooses to serve up, it is likely to be very, very far from whatever “New York Style” is supposed to imply.

I say “nearly certainly”, because when I decided to order said hot dog, surprise surprise – they did not have any on board.

So from now on, until such times as Aer Lingus start charging for check-in bags, it is green and white for me.

You know… New York style!